Labour

During my pregnancy I was always a little worried about the delivery. I don't have very much lower body strength - would I be able to do it? I was told that women who are paralyzed can deliver naturally, and it is the uterus does most of the work. My obstetrician highly recommended that I have an epidural during labour, because she didn't want me to become overly exhausted during the labour and then have no energy left at the end when it was time to push. The epidural would allow me to relax (somewhat). So, I had an anesthesia consultation where we talked about my condition and how that would affect the epidural. I was told I would probably have the epidural put in earlier than most women, because they wanted it to take effect before I was too far into labour. That was all fine with me. I was happy to do whatever the doctors recommended; they are the experts, not me, and all I wanted was to get my baby out safely. I was considered 'high-risk,' after all.
As with many first babies, I was late. The doctors didn't want me to go too far overdue, and so I was induced at 41 weeks. The induction began at about 10:15 am. Things progressed quite slowly, and so the oxytocin kept increasing. Throughout the day we had been asking about the epidural - when would it come? They kept saying someone from anesthesia would come to talk to me. We just kept waiting. By about 8 pm I was only 4 cm dilated. I felt like I had been there forever, but the nurse kept saying I still had a long ways to go. Around this time the pain really set in. I just kept trying to push it off though, knowing that the epidural was coming. When anesthesia finally decided that they were ready to give me the epidural, at around 9:30 pm, they wanted to talk it over because they were concerned about my condition. I appreciate that they want to be sure I am safe and they were doing the right thing, but we had already had a consultation with them, they knew I was coming in for an induction that day, and I had been there since 8 am. We were starting to get pretty antsy, but to be honest, all I could really focus on was the contractions. They had started to move so close together that I wasn't getting a break in between. The hospital also had a rule where they only check your progress every 4 hours once the water has broken (mine was broken earlier in the day by a doctor to try to start labour), because of risk of infection. And because things during the day had moved so slowly, the nurses kept telling me to just relax, I had a long way to go and should just  'breath it off'. I started to feel very scared because I was in so much pain and, apparently, I was no where near the end. I just kept doing my best to keep it all in and not complain too much, I needed to save that for a few hours later. But really, I couldn't imagine pain any worse.
It was at about 10 pm, 2 hours into 'real labour' that I couldn't take the pain and told the nurse that my baby must be coming. She didn't really believe me but agreed to get a doctor to check my progress. Sure enough, it was time. They said there was no time for an epidural. By 10:30 pm I was pushing, and my little man arrived safely at 10:40 pm.
And so, even without an epidural (without any kind of pain management at all, actually, since we were relying on the epidural), I did it. My weak, can-barely-walk-100-metres body managed an amazing feat. My disability really seemed to have very little effect on the delivery. I wasn't able to move around around too much during the labour, but overall really it all was pretty smooth. Each woman will have a different experience, and disabilities bring additional challenges, but I am amazed at the perfect design of pregnancy and childbirth. I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to experience it and blessed me with an amazing little boy.

Pregnancy and HSP

HSP is a pretty rare disorder, and it is seems especially rare for symptoms to appear in your early 20's. And so, I don't expect this post to reach a very large audience, but if anyone out there is wondering about pregnancy and HSP, I would be happy for them to read about my experience.

And here's my disclaimer: I'm not saying go ahead and get pregnant. HSP can appear and act differently in different people, and what I experienced may not be the same for someone else. So talk to you doctor about whether or not it might be right for you.

Before I became pregnant, I was told that I would likely have to be in a wheelchair by the end of the pregnancy. I was happy to do whatever was needed, but I didn't particularly want to have to move to a wheelchair. So obviously, my main concern was how would my already weak legs and poor balance hold up to a major change in my weight. I was extremely fortunate, and really it wasn't too bad. I gained about 40 pounds by then end, which is a bit high, but I was considered 'underweight' before I became pregnant so it's actually not that much. I really didn't find I had much trouble with the extra weight until later in my third trimester. I found I had a lot harder time getting up out of chairs, and especially up off of the ground. But as far as balance went for walking, if I had my cane I was pretty much the same as before. I did try to be extra careful though, because I really didn't want to have a bad fall.

The really amazing thing though, was that I found my legs actually seemed to work better. I often have 'bad' and 'good' leg days, where my legs sometimes feel like they will barely move, and others where everything isn't so bad. But during my pregnancy, I very rarely had 'bad' leg days. I really can't explain what happened, but for some reason walking was just a little bit easier. I remember my husband making comments several times about how I was walking so well, and he even noticed that I wasn't having many 'bad' days. That is pretty good considering I expected things to be worse. My guess is that perhaps the relaxin hormone, which is much higher during pregnancy, actually relaxed my leg muscles, reducing the stiffness. But I really don't know. It was a bit of a miracle though, that when I really really needed it, my legs were just a tad better for me.

Another thing I had to consider during pregnancy was what medicines and supplements to take. I decided to stop taking all of my HSP related things, because so little research has been done with them that I just figured it wasn't worth it, even though the suspected risk is extremely low. So, that meant stopping Baclofen. I had been on a pretty low dose, so I didn't find too much of an effect coming off of it. I also took extra supplements - normally my doctor recommends pregnant women take 1 mg of folic acid, but she suggested I take 4 mg because of my HSP.

Overall, I was really blessed throughout the pregnancy. I can't believe how well it went. I was seen at a high risk pregnancy clinic in a city about an hour away, but because everything went just fine, they have recommended that next time I can go to a normal clinic in my town. So, while HSP does add some extra difficulties to pregnancy, it is certainly manageable. And now it's all over and I have the perfect little boy - absolutely worth it!

Back again

What a whirlwind. I took a little hiatus here while Ben and I got used to both working full-time jobs. It isn't the easiest because of some of the other commitments we have going on, but we make it work. Working at the same place really helped. We also did our best to take advantage of the last little bit of 'normal' life we will have for a long, long time. Normal now means something different to us, and includes waking up several times in the middle of the night, making all sorts of funny faces, and having very little 'us' time. But we are so in love. Our little man arrived at the beginning of January and what a joy he is. We are thrilled to be parents and are having the most amazing time. We even wonder why we didn't do this sooner! There are certainly tough times, but really, it hasn't been as hard as we expected! Everyone had us prepared for the worst I suppose. Probably a big part of what makes things easier is the huge support we have from friends and family. We are blessed.

I've been wondering what to do with this blog. I am not great at keeping it up, but I think I'll keep updating when I have the chance. I hope that I can share some of the ways I deal with having a disability, and that someone will find encouragement knowing that they aren't the only one facing difficulties. I'd especially love to encourage other moms - we face special challenges, but through those challenges I think we are blessed with the chance to be amazing role models for our kiddos.