momentary troubles

I started this blog a few years ago just for fun. I was just looking for a place to write down my thoughts. From the drought of posts it is obvious it didn't stick. I am hoping to try at it again.

Since then, my life has taken many turns. I would have never guessed I would be where I am now. Looking back to when I started this blog I have many amazing memories, but the easiest thing for me to remember is how I felt. Happy. I remember constantly laughing (and rarely, if ever, crying). Life was great. I was succeeding in my studies, I held leadership positions, my family was full of love, and I had an amazing group of friends. I didn't have any specific reason for naming this blog 'Momentary Troubles' except that I really believed that no matter what was thrown at me in life, it would all be wiped away one day. However, at that time, my momentary troubles really were just momentary. I was worried about whether I would pass 'Systems and Signals' or find a co-op job. It is easier to have faith that you will get through anything when your problems are resolved on a four month basis. I had no idea what troubles were yet to come.

Now, four and a half years later, my troubles have gotten bigger and aren't resolved so quickly. Around August 2006 we began noticing that I was having difficulty walking. I began seeing doctors, physiotherapists, and neurologists, and had an enormous amount of tests. The MRIs showed "a relatively small cervical spinal cord in all 8 segments. The atrophy becomes even greater at the lower cervical cord, approximately C6 all the way through the thoracic cord." I had significant spinal cord damage. At the beginning, no one seemed to have any idea what was going on, and just told me that I probably had some injury at birth and should go on with my life. Eventually I found a great neurologist who did further testing. However, genetic tests indicate that I do not have the common mutations seen in hereditary spastic paraplegia, there is no inflammation from a virus, and regular MS is unlikely because I do not have any lesions. But it doesn't mean these aren't possible, I just don't have any concrete answers.

Since this discovery, the always-laughing-never-crying person changed. I cried. A lot. My troubles moved from worrying about succeeding in school to wondering if I would be alive in 5 years. But at the time in my life where things seemed to be falling apart, I was provided with an amazing strength to get me through: my best friend and now husband. He has stayed beside me every moment and been the only thing that has held me together. I still have my moments where I am utterly frustrated. I still break down and cry. It is hard to be satisfied that one day I will be whole and new again, when I so badly want to be healed now. But whenever this happens the most wonderful person in the world helps me find hope in what is to come.

While God has taken some of my health away, He has been so gracious and in its place given me so much more. I would have never imagined being so full of joy. It is amazing to think that before all of this happened, when troubles were few, 2 Corinthians 4:17 was the verse that inspired this blog. I believe I was being prepared for things to come. It is not until now that I realize this blog was given just the right theme.